Style Invitational Week 1491: The add biz


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Arbyss: The deepest part of the stomach, reserved for two Giant Roast Beefs, large Curly Fries and a chocolate shake. (Danny Organek)

Auntiques: That crocheted tea cozy and the scented stationery. (Deborah Guy)

Santagonism: A form of threatening mind control that parents practice on their children every December. (Lawrence McGuire)

Empress > Temptress: Someone who keeps luring me in with the illusory hope of winning a prize. (Steve Glomb)

The Style Invitational has had a [your noun here]-load of neologism contests in which you change a word, name, etc., by one letter — adding it, dropping it, moving it. But rarely if ever in the past 1,490 contests have we done an add-only one. Longtime Loser Steve Glomb suggests such a contest, but with one extra opportunity: Choose any word, name or phrase beginning with A through E (for someone’s name, it can be either the first or last name), then add any single letter of the alphabet to it — one or more times — and define the result or show how it would be used, as in the examples above from earlier contests, except Empress > Temptress, which was Steve’s example just now (and why, the Empress figures, he suggested the letter-repeat variation). The E is adding the A-through-E limitation because (1) it’ll help keep her from having far more good entries than she can possibly run, and (2) she can redo this contest four more times yayyyy.

Submit up to 25 entries at wapo.st/enter-invite-1491 (no capitals in the Web address). Deadline is Monday, June 13; results appear July 3 in print. June 30 online.

Winner gets the Clowning Achievement, our Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a back scratcher made from a dried alligator hand, complete with four long claws. (If it’s not called a hand, it should be; it looks just like one.) Regifted from the Loser Crap Collection of Dave Zarrow, who won it for a limerick he wrote in 2004.

Other runners-up win their choice of our “For Best Results, Pour Into Top End” Loser Mug or our “Whole Fools” Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get one of our lusted-after Loser magnets, “A Small Jester of Appreciation” or “Close, but Ceci N’est Pas un Cigare.” First Offenders receive only a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their first ink). See general contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviteFAQ. The headline “Re-manes of the Day” is by Mark Raffman; Tom Witte wrote the honorable-mentions subhead. Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at on.fb.me/invdev; “like” the Style Invitational Ink of the Day on Facebook at bit.ly/inkofday; and follow @StyleInvite on Twitter.

The Style Conversational: The Empress’s weekly online column discusses each new contest and set of results. See this week’s, published late Thursday, June 2, at wapo.st/conv1491.

The “You’re Invited” podcast: Eighteen half-hour episodes, including dish from the Empress and the Czar, and tips from top Losers. See bit.ly/invite-podcast.

Re-manes of the day: ‘Grandfoals’ from Week 1487

As we do each year, in Week 1483 we asked the Losers to “breed” any two names from a list of 100 of this year’s Triple Crown-nominated racehorses, then name the “foal” to reflect both names; e.g., Smarten Up was “bred” to Simplification to produce Dumben Down. Then in the follow-up contest of Week 1487, they bred any two of the foal names. So here are the top “grandfoals” among more than 2,200 entries.

No-Knock Warrant x Lake Flaccid = DEA’d in the Water (Frank Mann, Washington)

Finals Are Today x Catch Some Z’s = Got Some F’s (Andrew Hatziyannis, Rockville, Md.)

and the plush toy Flesh-Eating Disease;

Catch Some Z’s x I the People = Nap Bonaparte (Pam Shermeyer, Lathrup Village, Mich.)

And the winner of the Clowning Achievement:

Atom and Heave x Pig Penn = Hurls Before Swine (Laurie Brink, Mineola, N.Y.)

C-biscuits: Honorable mentions

Let’s Go Brandin’ x Aunt™ =We ® Family (Sarah Walsh, Rockville, Md.)

CloningAchievement x All Over the Road = One to Many (Dave Matuskey, Sacramento)

All Over the Road x M*A*S*H Potatoes = Carpool Klinger (Rob Wolf, Gaithersburg, Md.)

Am Eric, An Icon x Wait, Mr. Lincoln! = Am Eric, a Cousin (Greg Dobbins, Boynton Beach, Fla.)

Atom and Heave x Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: = Chain Re:action (Kevin Dopart, Washington)

Catch Some Z’s x Die Happy = R.I.P. Van Winkle (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)

AlexanderTheGrape x Mr Red = Pete Rosé (Francis Canavan, Reston, Va.)

Dead Gunfighter x LiedAboutThatToo = Pushing Up Doozies (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park, Md.)

Decoder Ring x Pig Penn = Aha! IgpayAtinlay! (Harold Mantle, Walnut Creek, Calif.)

IV League x Fat Man = Prince Ton (Ward Foeller, Charlottesville, Va.)

IV League x M*A*S*H Potatoes = Cornell Potter (Rob Wolf)

Fat Man x Mona Visa = Lardo da Vinci (Rob Wolf)

Fat Man x Via Gra = Sydney Groinstreet (Kevin Dopart)

Finals Are Today x Missing Everything = I Dream That, Too (Mark Raffman, Reston, Va.)

G Whiz x Missing Everything = G Wizards (Jesse Rifkin, Arlington, Va.)

Hair on a G String x Snippitydoodah = Thong of the South (Mary McNamara, Washington; Chris Doyle, Denton, Tex.)

Heir Jordans x LiedAboutThat Too = Scion Fiction (Kevin Dopart)

House of Cords x Dumben Down = Rope-a-Dope (John Klayman, Fairfax, Va.; Laura Bennett Peterson, Washington)

House of Cords x Missing Everything = Jos. A. Blank (Roxi Slemp, Bariloche, Argentina)

House of Cords x Snippitydoodah = Snippety Doula (Harold Mantle)

I Caught a Code x The Wee Peephole = Rheum With a View (Jonathan Paul)

I the People x Erupt to No Good = I the Pimple (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, Va.)

I the People x Snippitydoodah = HuBris (Kathy El-Assal, Middleton, Wis.)

The One Eye Love x LiedAboutThatToo = Sikelops (Brian Cohen, Winston-Salem, N.C.)

The One Eye Love x Erupt to No Good = Slyclops (Jonathan Jensen, Baltimore)

Missing Everything x Finals Are Today = Disappearing ACT (Laura Clairmont, Venice, Fla.)

MoltenJoeDiMaggio x I Caught a Code = Mr. Coughee (Matt Monitto, Bristol, Conn.; Rob Wolf)

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: x Give It Arrest = Finish It, Aretha! (Coleman Glenn, Huntingdon Valley, Pa.)

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: x I Caught a Code = Re:Morse (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.; Stephen Dudzik, Olney, Md.)

Resting Rich Face x LiedAboutThatToo = Resting Mitch Face (Stephen Dudzik)

Says Nobody x M*A*S*H Potatoes = SilenceOfTheYams (Karen Lambert, Chevy Chase, Md.)

Via Gra x AFL-CIA = Amor Perfect Union (John Hutchins, Silver Spring, Md.)

Why a Derp? x Mona Visa = Duh Vinci (J.D. Berry, Springfield, Va.)

Wine and Jeez x LiedAbout ThatToo = Pinotcchio (Karen Lambert)

Downton Crabby x Fat Man = Quarrel and Hardy (Pamela Love, Columbia, Md.)

Downton Crabby x Finals Are Today = Downton Crammy (Jeff Contompasis)

AlexanderTheGrape x Down-ton Grabby = AlexanderThe Grope (Jeff Shirley, Richmond, Va.; Rob Wolf)

Let’s Go Brandin’ x I the People = Le Tat C’est Moi (Duncan Stevens, Vienna, Va.)

Catch Some Z’s x G Whiz = Rip Van Tinkle (Lewis Lesansky, Burke, Va.)

Catch Some Z’s x LiedAbout-ThatToo = Fake Snooze (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)

Catch Some Z’s x Wine and Jeez = I Need a Napa (Lee Graham, Rockville, Md.)

CloningAchievement x Heir Jordans = Be Like Mike (David Letizia, Pinehurst, N.C.; Richard Franklin, Alexandria, Va.)

Con Yak x Why a Derp? = Oxey Moron (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.; Kevin Dopart)

Dead Gunfighter x Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: = Wild Bill Hiccup (Matt Monitto)

Decoder Ring x The Wee People = Ovalteeny (Joanne Free, Clifton, Va.)

Fat Man x Mr Red = Chris Crispy (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

Die Happy x Sweeney Toad = Die Hoppy (Steve Glomb, Alexandria, Va.)

Die Happy x Re:Re:Re: Re:Re:Re: = Die Yappy (Kate Sammons, Ashburn, Va.)

Erupt to No Good x Into the Hoods = Mount St. Hellions (Perry Beider, Silver Spring, Md.)

Heir Jordans x IV League = ER Jordans (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)

Lake Flaccid x Sharp Dresser = Droopy Drawers (Steve Smith, Potomac, Md.; Chris Doyle)

LiedAboutThatToo x Catch Some Z’s = Bull Dozer (Jeff Contompasis)

M*A*S*H Potatoes x Diapercussion = KP Doody (Danielle Nowlin, Fairfax Station, Va.)

M*A*S*H Potatoes x Mr Red = Major Burns (J.D. Berry; Stephen Dudzik)

Missing Everything x IV League = Dazed & Transfused (Frank Osen, Pasadena, Calif.)

Dead Gunfighter x Heir Jordans = Billy the GOAT (Bernard Brink, Cleveland, Mo.)

The Very Model! x Missing Everything = Heidi Klumsy (Stephen Gilberg, Silver Spring, Md.)

Sharp Dresser x Says Nobody = Nice Sweater Vest! (Leif Picoult, Rockville)

Downton Grabby x Mona Visa = Leonardo da Pinchy (Jesse Rifkin)

Am Eric, An Icon x Lake Flaccid = Laylo (Jon Gearhart, Des Moines)

Wanderful Tonight x Resting Rich Face = Hobotox (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.)

Mr Red x All Over the Road = Skid Marx (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)

Erupt to No Good x Lake Flaccid = Erupt to No Wood (Leif Picoult)

Still running — deadline also Monday, June 13: Our contest for songs about the news. See wapo.st/invite1490.

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